It was a Tuesday night and a little over 10 pm.
I was tired and anxious from a long day I’d had.
Actually, it had been a long couple of weeks at work.
Things had been challenging lately and certain work topics had been dragging on longer than I’d expected it to.
These nights after the kids were asleep, I would throw myself onto my office chair and go online, trying to unwind. Sometimes it works, but sometimes the anxiety lingers and seeps into my head. I’d mentally prepare myself for the next day, knowing there was more to face.
It’s seasonal, I told myself.
This too shall pass.
But still, being in the heat of it wasn’t fun, I had to put in the effort to stay afloat of things and manage each topic to its eventual resolution.
I don’t think I am a strong person, not in a conventional way, and not in the way media portrays it. Truthfully, I’m still learning to manage.
Other than work which was at the forefront of my thoughts that night, there were also family topics, children’s academia to follow up on, and other commitments I had yet to iron out.
At that moment all these were at the back of my head, in a queue waiting for their turn.
I had to settle those other topics eventually, I thought to myself and I made a rain check in my mind as those thoughts passed through it.
As I sat staring at my screen, I felt a cold breeze coming from behind, and then the familiar sound of trickling rain that started slowly at first, then it became louder and continued at a medium pour.
I got up and went to the open window behind me, and I stared outside at the rain.
The view of the raindrops falling was contrasted by the streetlight behind it. The swaying of the tree leaves, and the droplets that fell formed a larger puddle on the roof tiles below my window, where it collected, pooled, and then flowed down the gutters. The wind blew against my face and my body, cold and refreshing, and it blew past me into the room behind which was warm a few minutes earlier.
I took in a breath and slowly released it.
It was what I needed, a short distraction, long enough to remind me that I could manage my issues and that it was temporary.
It was temporary.
In the grand scope of life, it wasn’t much of a dent in me.
Live, love, and family, were not touched.
My anxiety had worked its way up this time again, and I had let it slip past my guard.
The rain only lasted 10 minutes or so, then it stopped.
That night I prayed and reminded myself to not let my fears and anxiety get the better of me.
Sometimes we need someone, or something, to pull us up and out of a cycle of anxious thoughts.
And for people like me, I had to constantly do it to stay afloat.
Because anxiety was something I’ve struggled with for years and I’ve still been learning to cope with it better, the more my platter of topics grew with life at this moment.