It’s 12 am and I start to head to my bedroom.
In the dimly lighted bedroom, I see the outline of my 2-year-old daughter’s body sleeping in the middle of my bed.
I slip into bed quietly next to her and cover her with her small orange blanket that she had kicked off in her sleep earlier.
Then I proceed to take in a deep breath of her head and give her a kiss on the cheek or on her closed eyes.
And I immediately feel calmer and gain a little sense of happiness and gratitude.
I still do this to this day, every night, and it is my little ‘drug’ of choice.
Yes, I still co-sleep with my 2-year-old daughter.
As she is the youngest child, I do tend to dote on her more compared to the older kids.
It wasn’t the same for them, when they were 2 years old they were already sleeping in separate rooms from me and my husband.
But for my youngest, we didn’t rush it. We will take the time to transition her to her own bed. The plan is for her to share a bedroom with her 4-year-old sister eventually.
Also, deep down a part of me still wants her by my side at night, cuddling her in the cold of the night and pressing her sleepy head against my cheeks.
And if she does wake in the middle of the night for any reason, she will crawl over to be by my side and falls back asleep in my arms.
My mummy heart loves this, that she still needs me so for comfort.
Maybe it’s hard for me to let go of the years my babies needed me so much. I’ve said it before, that it feels like the end of an era is coming.
I will definitely feel the loss when my youngest starts to sleep apart from me, and that day is not too far.
For now, I cherish the ability to have her in my arms at night.
And whenever I smell her and cuddle her before I sleep, it comforts me back in return and centers my mind, especially after a long day at work or after going through whatever stress I may have in that season.
So I’ll keep my little innocent ‘drug’ with me a little longer.
Anyway, she’s not complaining about it either.