Ever had one of those arguments with your other half that was a decade old and keeps resurfacing occasionally when things get heated?
I do, for me and my husband, that is.
It’s because some issues were never really fully resolved since then.
And when we get deep into our arguments, our differences resurface and we find the same old topics tend to come up.
It’s almost predictable, at least for me, the path leading down towards that place can be recognized at the initial part of the disagreements.
Now I do not mean to scare you if you are in a new relationship, but I am being realistic about things and hope that you get some expectations straightened out with your partner.
But the thing is, as we ourselves mature and understand each other better over the years (and I do mean it when I say some things may take years to learn about someone), it gets better.
The fact is, we are two different people with different personalities who chose to be together.
Love is not the point here.
We may have our basic foundations aligned, but the rest are not and others are discovered along the way.
And we find that as we take the steps towards resolution, we learn what triggers each other and how to avoid it, we learn the heart of the matter and we dig into the root cause of our disagreements.
Things, do get better.
We both learn how to listen before talking, and know when to put on the brakes before we hurt each other with words. I learned to control how not to say words out of pure spite when I get emotional. We try to recognize when the timing is not right and not to pick on the individual weaknesses we both have.
We learn to protect each other, especially from others, and also from each other.
Sometimes I play things out in my head in fast-forward motion of events and when I foresee a problem ahead or an adverse reaction, I stop myself.
We are both still trying, 10 years in, to make it better for each other and our family.
So I guess what I want to say is, don’t give up yet.
These things take time and as cliche as it sounds, it is true that things that matter the most should have the work put into them.
And as we grow ourselves, we learn to ‘give water’ to our marriage too.