My Experience With The Toxic Side Of Productivity

The feeling of relief came over me after I had put the kids to bed, it was almost 10 pm, and finally, I was able to have the freedom to do what I wanted without worrying about the needs and wants of the children.

I plop myself down in front of my computer, and I almost immediately start to feel guilty.

After resting for a few minutes, checking my phone and Facebook account, I got up and begin to make early preparations for the family’s breakfast meals the next day, placing the buttered cinnamon rolls into the oven for a quick toast in the morning and selecting the fruits to be cut and consumed in the morning.

I went back to my laptop and started to draft out two stories on my blog, and I then made some snacks for my husband and me.

I checked out a 5 minute Youtube video of a contemporary dance to Adele’s Easy On Me, then I proceed to scan some receipts to be saved as documents for taxation claims the next year.

I begin an episode of Netflix’s Riverdale, however 20 minutes into the show, I began reading through my son’s foreign language homework papers to learn some of the new words myself, as a way to encourage his speech and written work for this subject.

This is a problem I face almost every night.

My issue is that I needed to intentionally tell myself to relax, to watch a video or a movie till completion.

Otherwise midway through any leisure activity, I get restless and guilty for not being productive or doing ‘productive work.’

In the day I busy myself at my job as a materials engineer and mothering three young kids, from early morning exercise on the treadmill, cleaning after meals, preparing the kids for school, fighting the weekday traffic to get to work, to washing up the kids at night and reading bedtime stories.

After hours, I spend time writing content on my blog and planning the next steps for the kid’s educational needs and discussing our family’s finances with my husband.

On one hand, it makes me feel fulfilled getting work done.

But on the other hand, I seem to have lost the ability to kick back and do nothing, and I’m trying to relearn that.

Do any others feel the same way as me?

How was your experience with being too consumed with productivity?

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