Here’s the problem.
Choosing to write out my thoughts and feelings and then displaying them for others to see was not an easy step to take for an introvert like myself. But that is basically what I am doing when I am blogging on my personal space or publishing my stories on Medium. There will always be the possibility that others do not agree with my written views and it may even offend some people.
This is a given.
Not to mention there will be those who will make known their disagreements out loud and occasionally, maybe even be outright condescending in their feedback to my post. Furthermore, their comments are openly displayed for the world to see.
Basically, I am opening myself up to be openly criticized over the internet.
It may come from my own social circle but more specifically it will be from strangers over the internet. It can be about general topics where I share my opinions in a written piece, and it may not be received well by some readers. Then there is the anomaly of who my audiences are, as I find some readers are less tactful in their feedback.
How am I taking it?
Not good actually.
This is coming from someone who struggles with self-esteem issues in the past and who is quick to doubt her capabilities at the hint of disapproval.
In another post, I wrote about how I learned to let go of relying upon others’ approvals and opinions of myself, and though what is written there still holds true, it is not always an immediate response my mind takes when receiving negative feedback.
I question myself from their point of view and though I may not fully agree with their views, and sometimes I cannot understand them, it still raises feelings of self-doubt.
It’s akin to making fun of a girl’s facial features when she has suffered body-dysmorphia issues in her past or telling someone who has an eating disorder that they looked a little chubbier today, words like these will trigger them. Although I would not say my level of despair at reading those negative comments is the same as these examples that I mentioned here, their words still sting me and it tends to hover in my mind for quite a while, beating me down.
Till I am able to pull myself up again after I have processed my thoughts logically.
I really could be wrong, and they may be right, and I would have to be able to own up to that.
Does it make me less brave and less keen to write my opinions on a topic?
Yes, it does, unfortunately.
Will I stop writing my views out here for the whole darn world to read, and click publish, and hope that firstly, someone reads it and secondly, they have the decency to not trash my writing openly?
Yes, I will still choose to write.
So while I nurse my pride a little bit more and grow another thin layer of protection over my writer’s shell, I am writing this to make sense of how best to react to these situations and how to manage my own feelings over them.
I am also reminded of how my own pride is also my downfall, even for someone who struggled with self-esteem issues in the past, unfortunately.
So, how do you take criticism?