I may be a hypochondriac, an over-thinker, and an anxious person by nature. With age, I learned how to manage myself better, but it still re-surfaces occasionally.
When I was younger I used to think of my condition with an analogy of a swan swimming calmly on the lake. Above water, she appears graceful and smooth (not that I am graceful, far from it, but I am quite reserved by nature), but underneath the water, her two legs are paddling swiftly, frantically, and continuously to keep up her momentum above.
I used to live mostly in my head, in a bubble of thoughts, and happy mostly in my own solace, and then I needed to intentionally snap back to reality to appear functional. This was allowed when I was a kid, who had no or minimal responsibilities, but it’s no longer allowed as an adult.
I may possibly be termed as mildly eccentric, but then again, I suspect almost everyone is mildly eccentric in one way or another, you just haven’t known them well enough, and haven’t found their kinks and oddities yet.
Now back to the title, I realize I don’t actually know how swans paddle, they may also be slow and steady underwater as they appear above.
So let’s confirm if swans are graceful above and underwater once and for all, and here I found a video:
Okay, so apparently it appears that swans are relatively calm above and underwater, I was wrong. So, I am not a swan. However, my thoughts on this issue about myself remain a valid point, and one I needed to contend with.
I was awkward, impulsive, emotional, and insecure. I still am but most of it has been toned down from life lessons and from aging in general.
The point of this writing is that we eventually grow up and we improve over time.
Continuous growth is a need, a must for self-actualization.
I do not deny my weaknesses, but I acknowledge them so I can recognize the changes in me over the years. I hope I am still on the right path, and that my kids will view their mum as an imperfect person who pushes herself to be better, and I will bring them up likewise.
My hope is that they will be better than me, an improved version of both me and my husband. These are my thoughts of the day.