Not a rock literally, but what I mean is a place to go to and sit and be myself, alone and uninterrupted. Maybe, a nice big rock with a good view in front of it. A cool breeze would be nice too, I hope I’m not asking too much.
Some days I want to take a long walk somewhere, sometimes with the husband, or by myself. A hike, a run, a walk, in nature to avoid crowds.
Remember that old movie Forrest Gump way back in the early nineties? There was a scene where he started running after his childhood love Jenny left him, and he ran and ran and ran, for weeks, and weeks to months. When reporters ran alongside him to get his answer for why he started running, all he said was “I just feel like running!”.
But I think the real reason he just kept running was that he wanted to think through his feelings, and running was the most basic thing he felt like doing.
Anyway, I wonder to myself why, why I craved this time alone, this release of sorts.
It’s because I wanted time to think about the other topics, other than what my usual daily routine consists of, those thoughts that I put aside to be ‘sorted out’ later. I needed time to process these other feelings and thoughts that I could not fully resolve due to having limited uninterrupted time in my day.
Here’s the thing.
As I grow older there is no escaping noticing more and more of the flaws in the world, in myself, and in people. The realization of how imperfect everything is becomes more obvious the more you think beyond your borders, and the wider your mind grows.
There is a struggle with myself and the acceptance that there are constant injustices around you. To top it up, it may be that the answers to some of these questions may never be answered while I am in this world.
Faith steps in here, to offer some solace. Maybe I needed something to hold on to, but it is not always easy to rely on faith alone.
Ignorance is bliss, but I choose not to ignore. Apathy or empathy, which would you choose?
I love my family, my kids, my husband, there is no doubt. But everyone needs some space to be on their own for a while.
Back to reality, and onwards I go on, the hope is that even with more ‘weight’ on my shoulders I will learn to cope and come to some personal conclusions, ultimately to becoming a better version of myself as time passes.
Hence, if you are like me, find a rock to sit on and take some time to ponder away.
It will be a step towards understanding yourself and hopefully gives you some clarity on what’s bothering you.