How Hearing About Others Infertility Issues Made Me Feel Embarrassed By My Own Fertility

I started trying to conceive when I was twenty-eight years old, after I had just recently recovered from a medically induced depression that lasted for 3 months. I had gotten my monthly cycles back and at that point me and my husband had already been married for 3 years. We finally figured that we wanted to start trying to have children, and I thought it would take us maybe 6 months to conceive, more or less.

Most of our friends at that time had been trying for a while and some struggled with difficulty conceiving. My general research online too showed that it would usually take a few months of trying before getting pregnant, moreover I had missed my periods for a while due to I had been on strong medications for my migraine treatment, and I was still easing my body back to normalcy. Needless to say, I had my expectations set.

Baby number one

We started tracking my cycles and downloaded an app to predict my fertile window within my cycle. It was our first attempt, we did the deed and then went about our daily routine, not expecting too much from our first month of trying.

Two to three weeks later I was with a colleague at work who recently got pregnant and was in her first trimester. She complained of tender breasts and some other symptoms she experienced in her early days of pregnancy, and I made a casual comment that I too had tender breast. It did not click in me that I may possibly be pregnant at that point, again, I was expecting it to take a while, based on feedback from others.

That following weekend, I realized that my period had been late for a few days and I finally bought a pregnancy test kit, a few strips of the cheapest brand I can find, to be safe was what I thought. I did the test in the middle of the afternoon, and out came two red lines immediately.

I stared at the cheap pregnancy test strip for a while, and looked back at the box for the result interpretation. Two lines meant pregnant. Strange, I thought, I brought the peed stick over to my husband and asked him to interpret it for me. He looked at the stick and at the box, and then he looked at me and said, it means pregnant.

I was stunned. I went back out again and took another test. Two lines again. I stared at it in disbelief.

So, I took another test again, the third one. Two lines, bright and obvious. At that point, I had begin to feel lightheaded and slightly panicky.

I finally admitted to myself I was pregnant. But I didn’t feel at all pregnant, was what I thought. I needed more proof. Two months later I booked an ultrasound, and that was the day we saw our baby boy’s heartbeat loud and clear, and we fell in love with our baby.

Baby Number Two

Two years later, when my baby boy was fourteen months old, I decided to wean him off breastfeeding to get my period back. This time I was sure it would take a while, as I did not have my period for the whole duration of our 14-month breastfeeding journey. A month after I had weaned off breastfeeding, my cycles returned, also with the help of medications given by my gynecologist to induce the return of my cycles. It was a ‘fake’ period, with no real ovulation, so we did not get pregnant that first month of trying after my period returned.

The following month, we tried again, and then I got pregnant, at the second attempt and second cycle after my periods had returned. Nine months later, we welcomed our baby girl.

Baby Number Three

Similar to how I got pregnant with my second child, I weaned her off breastmilk when she was fourteen to fifteen months old, I took medications to make my period return. I got pregnant again in the second month after my cycles returned. At this point, I was no longer surprised.

Due to the above, I will occasionally test myself for possible potential pregnancies when there was even a hint of possibility. The point of recounting above is not to boast, but to be honest of how I got pregnant with my three children.

To be honest, I have never told others about how I got pregnant with my three kids, and the only person who knows this story is my husband. I did mention before to a friend of mine about how I got pregnant really fast with my first, but I did so because I knew she too had an unexpected fast pregnancy. We shared to each other how we were both surprised at how fast we got pregnant.

I don’t share this because I know there are many of my friends and acquaintances who had infertility issues, and some had been trying for years. I don’t talk about it because it seemed rude to me, to reveal how fast I got pregnant when they were struggling to conceive and get the desires of their hearts, and I still stick to this.

So I kept it as a secret, and truth be told, I actually feel quite embarrassed to tell this to anyone I know.

It’s because it feels braggy and almost like a slap in the face to those who experience infertility. So, I still do not and will not talk about it, unless someone asks me specifically about my trying to conceive and pregnancy journey. But there may be others like me who had no issues getting pregnant, and maybe you may have been discreet about it like me too in your circle of community. If so, I understand how you feel.

Again I am very thankful to not have had infertility, and not had the crushing feeling of looking at negative pregnancy test kits results from months of trying. If you are trying to conceive, I wish you and your partner the best and hope you get pregnant soon, and do not lose hope of having a baby to hold in your arms eventually.

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