I Cannot Slow Down

I couldn’t slow down.

I came to a realization today in the midst of a work meeting, that my plate of how much I can take on had become larger as the years passed.

Here I was in my early to mid-thirties, married with three young kids, committed to a fast-paced full-time job that was increasing in scope and complexity, with aging parents to care for on both me and my husband’s side. Add on a house to upkeep, cars to maintain, monthly healthcare and medical insurances, general bills to pay, not to forget saving for retirement and some for investments. Top it up with our children’s education fund to save for, and keeping up with the children’s school work and emotional needs, the list goes on.

It’s late nights and early mornings, hustling at work and then rushing home to get the kids. Washing up and bedtime stories, tantrums and kisses, then preparing breakfast and the kid’s bags for the day after, getting 5-6 hours of sleep and then repeating.

Tick tock.

Tiptop.

Everything has to be kept afloat and running.

I had piled on more and more to my plate, and I couldn’t break, I couldn’t afford a crack and risk breaking down.

My mental state had to be top-notch, my self-esteem and emotions had to be controlled and managed. I had to function.

I am not complaining, but I cannot ‘stop‘.

I cannot slow down.

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