I would like to write an appreciation post for the men around us who respect the women around them and treated the ladies in their lives well. You know who I’m talking about here, the men who looked out for the girls in the group. Men who went a little extra to make sure the girls are safe, without having any extra motives of trying to gain some points with the said lady. Men who were nice and chivalrous to every girl, regardless of how they looked.
Women are equal to men in cognition and cerebral capacity, but the fact is most girls are built smaller and are less physically capable than men. There are few women who may be stronger than guys due to physical exercise and strength building, but this is not the main point here.
Unfortunately, the fact is in this world it is not safe for a girl to travel alone, even going out at night requires some mental preparation and practical wisdom to stay cautious, keeping to lighted and crowded areas to prevent anyone from targeting us.
Below are some stories and personal accounts of guys who deserve some credit for being a gentlemen towards me and low-key watched out for me in the past.
I was at an after work dinner and it was after about 10pm at night, my husband called and informed me that he was a few minutes away from the dinner venue to pick me up. I promptly said my good byes to my colleagues and informed them that my husband was nearing the place and I was going out of the restaurant to wait for him. One of the guys in the group immediately got up and followed me out, he said he would accompany me till my husband arrived. It was dark outside the restaurant as the row of shops opposite were closed, and my male colleague lit a cigarette while we were waiting together. So it took a little longer for my husband to arrived as he was using his GPS to find the shop. After my husband arrived I thanked my colleague and said good bye. To be honest, it may not be totally necessary for him to accompany me, but I was glad he was with me even for those few minutes as an assurance.
On other occasions, while I was in university I had guy friends or seniors who would walk me to the entrance of my hostel if it was at night, as vehicles were not allowed to stop directly at the entrance. Despite me declining their ‘help’, it appeared important for them to not let me walk alone, even for 3 shop lots down. Looking back, it was dark as the shops were closed, and it made good sense to have company for a university aged girl at night.
Other guys would give rides to me on their motorcycles, cars or walk with me from my rented house to our common destination. Be it day or night. If they could give me a lift, they offered to do so. This is even when I was already dating my to be husband. So, I do not think their intentions were for romance at the slightest.
To be honest, my own husband is one of these men who took care of the girls. I observed this in the past before we were married and even up to current. One simple example is when we send our female friends back home in his car, he would make it a point to wait outside their home, at least until they are safely inside their house and locked their door. When walking along roads, he would choose to walk outside and let the girls walk inside which is away from road traffic.
Another memory for me was when I was in a workshop class in university, the lecturer was demonstrating how to perform welding to us, and I happened to be the only girl in the group that day. My towering guy classmates instinctively ushered me to go to the front of the group (there were about 20 of us that day) so that I could see how the welding was done without my view being blocked. I thought that was nice of them, as I am quite small at a mere 157cm tall.
In my first attempt to climb mount Kinabalu, as we went in a group consisting of both genders , there were guys who purposely stayed behind at the last of the group to usher and be with a girl who was struggling to climb up, while giving light comedic conversations to boost her spirits and motivate her or just being present quietly beside her and helping her up. Mainly we needed to make sure she was fine and not left behind.
This makes me deduce, that if more men were encouraged and brought up to be chivalrous , respectful and protective of the women around them, there would be less broken homes or abusive relationships in society. There would be less crimes against women when there are more guys collectively looking out for the girls among them. Maybe even the ladies will not stay with abusive partners if they observed these types healthy relationship with a boy.
Majority of these values and habits in men are fostered at home when they are young. Either by having strong and loving women in their lives be it mothers, grandmothers, or aunties in their upbringing, or having emotionally present fathers, or by observing their own fathers treating their mothers and the other females in the family with respect, love and with a sense of protectiveness towards them.
Ending note, this will remind me to also bring up my son to take care of his sisters well, to be emotionally secure and to respect and treat the girls around him with care. Society will benefit if more men are brought up to like this. Regardless of gender, we can look out for each other better and reduce domestic violence and abuse of women.
Men like this should be the norm, and not the exception.
To the guys who are already doing all of the above, who inspired this post, thank you.