I was lying in bed with my 6 month old baby boy who had just drifted to sleep. It was 4pm on a Sunday afternoon and we had gotten home an hour ago from lunch after our church service. Things seems to slowed down as I decided to continue lying in bed with him instead of sneaking out of the room, while the air conditioning hummed away in our room.
Sunday’s for us are usually packed as we needed to prepare for a new week of school and work, which was no easy feat as with four kids and both my husband and I being working parents.
My husband would cook dinner and pre-prep food for the following week to save us time from cooking after work on the weekdays. Eating at home also meant we could save more, and have more time with the children instead of eating out.
Since I was breastfeeding our baby and had returned to work after my maternity leave, I also needed to prepare my breastfeeding equipment and set aside frozen breastmilk and baby purees to to handover to my in laws who fortunately helped to care for our youngest while we worked.
Uniforms, homework and schoolbags needed to be checked through for the 3 older school aged kids, not to forget their packed clothes and bags for their afterschool daycare center. On some days we could only complete everything just before the kids bedtime at night as the home, the baby and the post dinner clean up added more to our to do lists. Holding baby with one arm while preparing for our family’s breakfast for the next day was common to both my husband and I, multi-tasking our way around the kitchen and dining room.
After the kids had washed up and are in bed we would say a prayer together, then I start to put my baby to sleep. Usually while nursing him in the dark, I would scan through my emails and work schedule for the coming week before I rest for the night, to make sure I didn’t missed any critical meetings or datelines for the coming week. Typically I would spend an hour or more on my laptop after baby had slept, having my own time at last in the day to watch a movie, snack with the husband or go on You tube . Since I tend to stretch my solo time at night, that meant going to bed at nearly 12am and having 5-6 hours of sleep daily. Insufficient sleep I know, since my baby will wake at night for feeds, but it was a habit that had developed since we had kids and had stuck around.
That Sunday afternoon as I laid in bed with my baby, I could hear the sound of my husband preparing dinner in the kitchen, the banging of the pan on the stove as he stir fried minced pork with basil leaves and carrots, and the hidden chopped up brinjal into the mix.
My three kids were playing in the hall, and at about 5pm they went outside to play on the porch and lawn as we didn’t want them cooped in the house all afternoon. Their laughter and dialogues were loud outside, but baby boy continued sleeping through it.
I thought of how busy my husband and I were to run the household while managing our work. Thankfully we had in-laws who were supporting us with the baby and the kids, and we both held stable jobs for work.
Then I started dozing off as well and eventually took a 40 minute nap with baby in our bed.
At that moment I thought to myself, that despite my anxieties be it about work, the kids academia and the general mess of the house , I was pretty fortunate, and pretty rich in love.
My husband was loving, supportive and did most of the cooking so I could focus on baby and take needed weekend naps, which was quite the treat and I looked forward to those cozy naps with baby. My kids were healthy and relatively well behaved, and we now have a rainbow baby to love despite thinking we were done with having more children 6 years ago after we had my third child. We had extended family support for our children as well making it less stressful for us not having to find good childcare.
And I had to remind myself theses things because it is so easily taken for granted. I had a pre-disposition to be anxious and borderline depressive, being one of these who did not have a strong mental fortitude, despite being a person of faith.
Being conscious of this now in my late thirties, I do take note to take care of my mental health, with daily prayer a must, and by eating well to stay healthy for the family. Faith, too,
That day, I reminded myself of what I have, of the season we were in at this point of our lives which will not be forever, and I felt rich in love and grateful for the things God has allowed us to have in life. The road to where we were was not always easy, with times of hardship and heartbreak along the way, but we were here now.
I knew in the coming evening and weekdays that things will be get chaotic again and I needed to hold on to this memory, a quiet afternoon reflection and reminders to be grateful of what we have, and to continue to be there for the family whilst still bettering myself to be a more capable person for the ones I love and for personal growth.