It was a Sunday afternoon and we had just come from our church service.
I walked slowly to match the pace of my father as he made his way carefully and slowly on the sidewalk with his walking stick. We were walking towards a restaurant for lunch, and had parked our car a little distance away.
It made me think back to his previous years, when he was still steady on his feet and physically strong. Things have changed for him, and also for my mother. They were now in their late seventies and early eighties.
My parents had me in their forties, I was the youngest, so they were always older than the majority of the parents of my peers.
It reminded me of something I did over 10 years ago, back before my kids were born.
At that time, I had graduated from university and had been working for about 3 years. I decided to take my parents for a holiday together to a country they had not been to before.
Back then, they were both already in their late sixties and fast approaching their seventies. They were relatively healthy still and able to walk around. I envisioned how they would be in 3, 5, and 10 years ahead, and it worried me. They were getting slower physically.
I knew that they were aging, and that their physical health and mobility would decline further if I had waited. So I made up my mind not to delay and to arrange for a holiday within that year.
I’d pay for the holiday expenses, including flights, hotels, and transport, I told my parents. I didn’t want them to worry about money. So I proceeded to pitch the idea to them and they agreed.
We flew them to Bangkok, Thailand.
This may not sound like much to some, but our my financial status was not that well off back then. My husband and had recently gotten married, and we had financial commitments to manage, such as our new house loan, our student loans, a car loan, insurances, household bills, and even filial piety which was our monthly monetary contributions to our parents.
Both me and my husband were not able to save that much at that point in our early adulthood. On top of our commitments, our house was empty, so any extra money saved was spent on furnishing our bedroom, buying new curtains, or getting a dining table so that we had a place to eat. Still, we had some money in our bank accounts, although combined, it was less than MYR 10,000.
Money was somewhat tight, but the urgency was higher on their time and health, and we took hold of the opportunity.
I was thankful for a supportive husband who stood by my decision.
They agreed, and in a few months, we flew to Bangkok, all 4 of us.
It was a smooth trip, my parents went for foot massages, we tried their delicious street food, we explored Bangkok, and ate at Chatuchak market, which was a famous large weekend market in Bangkok. We explored the parks and shopping malls that were within walking distance of our hotels. It was good to see that they still could keep up with our walks around the city. The holiday was a good one, and I took photos of our time there.
To this day, this trip turned out to be the only time I had gone on a vacation with them in another country.
Because the year after the holiday, I got pregnant with my first child, and in subsequent years, another two more babies. Life became busier, work became busier, and we couldn’t find the time to fly now, all 7 of us to another country for a holiday. Kids had school and examinations, we had work commitments since we too had progressed in our careers, and my parents too had more doctor’s appointments and were less mobile.
To this day, I never regretted making the time and financial commitments to prioritize my parents 11 years ago.
I do wish, in a way, that I had done more. We see them only a few times a year since they live a 5-hour drive away in another state, and they enjoy being with the grandkids. I support them in other ways, and I hope they feel the love from it.
If you, too, have aging parents, maybe it’s time to intentionally plan out an holiday or family trip for them, or even to visit them more. Their time is limited, and we should make the most of it before their health further deteriorates due to aging. Their mind and bodies will gradually change, so even a lavish holiday then may not be enjoyable for them.
Take those photos, have your children get to know them, and make good memories from your time with them.
This was 11 years ago, and I never regretted it.
Now my father was 81, and my mother 79.
They
I arranged for an overseas holiday for them, with flight tickets and hotel lodging paid by us. They had hardly had a trip to other countries, having being savers for the most of their life. They had four kids, and supported us all the way till each of us graduated from tertiary education. I was the youngest of my busy siblings, and so I decided it was time to give them a holiday.